Bathsheva's Bag

Stuff I'm into or not...speculations and ascribed motives and more...

Thursday, March 12, 2015


He said of her often—in front of friends and other loves that she was the most beautiful woman in New York. 

Today would have been my parent’s 52nd wedding anniversary. 

They lived together for 10 years before getting hitched. They lived together, they fought, made up, fought, separated, got back together, fought, carried on with others, separated—permanently. 

But they loved and always. And after the hurt. They were friends—best friends. There probably wasn’t a day that went by—they didn’t speak. Nobody made him crazier, than her. They didn’t live together, but couldn’t live without each other. 

And, so, remained married. Towards the end, in front of everyone, he told her, “you were the love of my life”.

Some things, like love, are eternal.

Monday, March 9, 2015

post familial distress

An old conversation--rehashed about decisions made that I will not go into now. An older photograph of family that actually made me laugh. The lot of us look so uncomfortable, I can't help but think that any outsider seeing it, would think a steak knife to the eye would be preferable. <<< brought about this>>> 

Misery, intentionally causing misery, whether by contributing or standing by, malice and engaging in lashon hara are poisonous vines which tentacle out and suffocate all that come into contact with the blackened poisonous heart. These vines darken and pervert everything they touch. They crack the foundations of love, hope and joy. They rot the walls of strength. They annihilate the ceiling of light and protection. They render to dust, the house/palace/temple of love and piss on the sky.

It is only with enough pain, enough tears and the steadfast determination of an axe murderer shall you chop away this poison galley of death to find the light and the warmth of your inner sun.

This is my must, my truth, my everyday.

...and remembering a poem I wrote in 2006. When I wrote this unfinished poem, these aforementioned thoughts were not in the forefront of my mind--but obviously, I believe, informed the poem.


wax poetic
as you twist my words
like steel shards
you manipulate 
bending and designing
future worlds 
for us to play in
you construct
the next plateau
as i
nimbly jump
from rafter
to rafter
swinging on a crimson wire
with steel shaft
to another dimension

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Never Mind, Bibi

Never mind the fact that he was/is drop-dead gorgeous, soulful and left handed (like me) and probably is/was "the one" in my futureperfect world. 

Never mind that he sadly knows and recognizes hate like many/most of us do. Never mind that he's lost loved ones due to hate, like most/ all of us have. 

Never mind that he does indeed speak for the Jewish people. 
Never mind that his great speechifying comes solely because he has this heart that drives his righteous indignation. 

Never mind his apparent arrogance, it's only warranted. Never mind his love and never mind his eyes that tell of pain and loss and determination. 

Never mind that he's a blessing from G-d.

Never you mind all of that...

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Valentines Day 2015

In the name of love…

So, tonight, in honor of Valentine’s day and love—A love letter to the world or at least to the few people who will see this and then actually take the time to read this…in it’s entirety. 

Earlier this evening, on Valentine’s day, I was unceremoniously dumped from an online forum on FaceBook—one supposedly dedicated to upholding liberal and democratic views. It kind of sucked, especially on Valentine’s Day—especially in light of the fact, it was spent alone-without a significant other. It sucks to be judged unfairly and out of context and at the expense of truth. No not sucked!—hurt a little.

What really is bothersome, though, is to be upholding true liberalism, truth and defending against clearly racist and disgusting mindsets and have my own words twisted against me and to be accused of being the exact opposite of that which I have based the entirety of  every fibre of my being upon, for pretty much the entirety of my life . Which to me defines, as of late, the supposedly liberal party—the democratic party, as being engaged and dedicated to, largely, a neo-fascist mindset.

I am committed to a true and enduring and ideal love. Vehemently committed and outspoken to a true and liberal love, in the truest sense of the word.  Liberal in that I want, because I truly love, what is best for everyone. It’s probably not entirely possible or feasible—but it’s worth a shot!

As a liberal Jew, I have always believed in equality, and my love sees/knows no bounds, and on a personal note, even though I’ve always been a “straight girl,” (whatever that means and entails) I reserve the right to be undefined, both personally and politically, and should I be lucky enough to find a love—a true love, I would, could only hope that my own and very strong personal, straight girl tastes, would not limit me, to availing myself of that one and lasting true love—that as of yet, seems elusive to me and for the world, for some reason or another.

It pains me to see, people fighting and using and misusing labels to further a cause and a misguided one at that.  If you claim you are a liberal, you must believe in equality and fairness for more than just you or those whom you claim as your “peeps”.

You must not use or bandy about terms that have nothing to do with your cause as a means to deflect your intent. Liberal has come to mean openness—we assume, through persistent usage, it means that, here in the U.S. Then let it mean that,  by what you say and by your actions. It is intolerable to use as a stepping stone an equal rights platform, that has nothing to do with advancing a cause other than your own limited world view and subjugating intent for everyone else. Do not defend that which is indefensible in the face of things.

In the past couple of weeks, I’ve seen out of the mouths of supposedly “liberal” politically open-minded individuals, the most egregious, horrific, racist, intolerant, and just all around unlovely, and unJewish, unBlack (in the sense that we are all able to think any way we want, but when it shoots yourself in the foot (from all perspectives)—stop being silly) sentiment, I’ve seen in some time. 

There is no honor in defending indefensible words. There is no honor in attacking that which with you don’t agree without dead on accuracy and aim to uphold the truth—not just your personal truth. 

Tonight, I was accused of being racist and of accusing others of being racist—unjustly, fighting to uphold racist views, being sexist, in that I was accusing people of being sexist and accusing people of threatening—unfoundedly.  My subsequent comments stating the truth—such that it was and not in merely a personal and subjective way and in defense of myself  and others, were deleted and then I was removed and blocked from the forum, by an overzealous and self-aggrandizing forum administrator. 

In the spirit of a true and entire truth, I lost my temper, after being told I was a “rude and uncultured person,” by someone who supposedly is a Jewish, liberal democrat, ostensibly the meaning to be construed here, is that one who is guilty of being “rude” and/or “uncultured” has no right to an opinion, let alone the right to voice it—I then told to go and insult a black man with a derogatory slur, to perhaps get a beating for something I never said, nor would uphold the right to say in the first place—I deserved a beating for having the audacity to voice my opinion. My response was to call this individual an “inbred insect”.  

Given my continual and vociferous dedication to words and their meanings and using words as they were intended, I clearly fucked up and fell egregiously beneath my own standards. I should have said what I meant and that was to say he was using his brain to the capacity of an inbred insect and should really shut up and stop proving to the world what an arse he was behaving like.

Later, things got better though—I made a new friend! Someone —actually a few special someones came to my defense! Someone even referred to my  “typically calm eloquence” and that when I get “peeved” it’s just all the more noticeable and that all things considered, my “ouster” should be thought of as a “badge of honor”… And I was invited back to the forum, by someone who apparently is dedicated to open and true liberalism.  How great is that?1?!

So, in light of truth, and my dedication to true liberalism, love, peace and happiness for everyone, and in spite of small minded  individuals who are frightened by truth, and strong opinions and facing their own demons, in spite of tiny minds who seek to censor…

I’m going to take my views beyond just FaceBook. I’m not sure what avenue I will take at this point. But I will, in some way—a larger way, dedicate myself to voicing my opinion—getting and being heard, and perhaps in some small way, change a few hearts and/or minds. 

Dedicating Valentines Day 2015 to to a true and enduring liberalism…

In the name of love…

Thursday, February 12, 2015

It's About the Music, Dick!

Music is music. It is not about who plays more instruments or none at all. It's not about Kanye (really it isn't) or Taylor Swift or Beyonce vs. Beck. 
It's also about the hard work and super human dedication these artists have to their craft, regardless of voice strength or instruments played. 
It's about music and individual taste. It's about those artists, the ones you've never heard of and maybe never will, who play in the parks, on any given street corner, in the subways... or you in the shower.
Try listening to someone you've never heard before, listen to something outside your comfort zone, listen to music in a language you don't understand. 

CHANGE YOUR CHANNEL! It won't hurt too much--I promise!
So, in honor of music, sweet music. Here. I Love Music. OJays. Now.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Teachings of the Buddha

If a man offend a harmless, pure, and innocent person, the evil falls back upon that fool, like light dust thrown up against the wind.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

So Why Don't You...

Shevat 16, 5775

“Day 16: Sweet Messages
Even tho’ your dreams were dashed and knocked about, you are still that dream under everything you doubt.
—Anselm Rothschild, contemporary songwriter”

“For Growth and Renewal: What is the dream that you hold for yourself? It’s never too late to pursue it. Take the first step toward meeting that goal. Then take it one day at a time.”

Excerpt From: Rabbi Kerry M. Olitzky. “100 Blessings Every Day.” Jewish Lights Publishing. iBooks. 

Still figuring out how to tackle or maintain your New Years resolutions? Or maybe you just want to work on some aspect of your life... Before you beat yourself up, yet again, why not try this approach?