3/12/1963

He said of her often—in front of friends and other loves that she was the most beautiful woman in New York. 

Today would have been my parent’s 52nd wedding anniversary. 

They lived together for 10 years before getting hitched. They lived together, they fought, made up, fought, separated, got back together, fought, carried on with others, separated—permanently. 

But they loved and always. And after the hurt. They were friends—best friends. There probably wasn’t a day that went by—they didn’t speak. Nobody made him crazier, than her. They didn’t live together, but couldn’t live without each other. 

And, so, remained married. Towards the end, in front of everyone, he told her, “you were the love of my life”.

Some things, like love, are eternal.

post familial distress

An old conversation--rehashed about decisions made that I will not go into now. An older photograph of family that actually made me laugh. The lot of us look so uncomfortable, I can't help but think that any outsider seeing it, would think a steak knife to the eye would be preferable. <<< brought about this>>> 

Misery, intentionally causing misery, whether by contributing or standing by, malice and engaging in lashon hara are poisonous vines which tentacle out and suffocate all that come into contact with the blackened poisonous heart. These vines darken and pervert everything they touch. They crack the foundations of love, hope and joy. They rot the walls of strength. They annihilate the ceiling of light and protection. They render to dust, the house/palace/temple of love and piss on the sky.

It is only with enough pain, enough tears and the steadfast determination of an axe murderer shall you chop away this poison galley of death to find the light and the warmth of your inner sun.

This is my must, my truth, my everyday.

...and remembering a poem I wrote in 2006. When I wrote this unfinished poem, these aforementioned thoughts were not in the forefront of my mind--but obviously, I believe, informed the poem.

Art

I 

wax poetic

as you twist my words

like steel shards

you manipulate 

bending and designing

future worlds 

for us to play in

you construct

the next plateau

as i

nimbly jump

from rafter

to rafter

swinging on a crimson wire

I 

catapult

with steel shaft

intentions

I

hang-glide

to another dimension

Never Mind, Bibi

Never mind the fact that he was/is drop-dead gorgeous, soulful and left handed (like me) and probably is/was "the one" in my futureperfect world. 

Never mind that he sadly knows and recognizes hate like many/most of us do. Never mind that he's lost loved ones due to hate, like most/ all of us have. 

Never mind that he does indeed speak for the Jewish people. 

Never mind that his great speechifying comes solely because he has this heart that drives his righteous indignation. 

Never mind his apparent arrogance, it's only warranted. Never mind his love and never mind his eyes that tell of pain and loss and determination. 

Never mind that he's a blessing from G-d.

Never you mind all of that...